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Battling Back-to-School Anxiety
Whether you’re brand new to a school or a returning student, when September rolls around, it’s a big adjustment. It can be hard for students (and parents!) to get back to early mornings, navigating the commute, and balancing homework with sports, clubs, and family time. Students may feel heightened anxiety about what their peer relationships will look like, how they’ll get along with their teachers, or how they’ll keep up with the academic demands of school. Here to help is Jennifer Newman, School Adjustment Counselor at Xaverian Brothers High School.
Anxious thoughts and feelings are to be expected when students make the switch from the slower, more comfortable pace of summer to navigating “back-to-school.” Trust me, this is normal! Most students will get through those anxious situations without much trouble and will move into the school year successfully. However, there are some students who truly struggle with this and, as a result, may react in maladaptive ways. An example is when a student is highly anxious and wants to stay home for the day. While it may feel good in the moment to avoid a necessary task, the student quickly realizes that staying home doesn’t solve anything. Why not? Because if that’s your answer for how to get through Monday, then what about Tuesday? Wednesday? Whatever the issue is that caused you to avoid school, it’s still going to be there…and now you can pile on stressors regarding missed classes, not knowing how to do the homework that was assigned that day, and more.
When you’re anxious about something, the worst thing you can do is avoid it. It’s best to find appropriate coping strategies to utilize and “push through” the situation. Know that with anxiety, things often become overblown in your mind; but when you actually get through the anxious situation, you will most often realize it was not as big a deal as you thought it would be.
How can parents help their sons adjust to the new school year?
- STICK TO A ROUTINE: Make sure kids have a routine at home, with time set aside for homework, relaxation, and getting a good night’s sleep.
- EAT FAMILY DINNER TOGETHER: Research has shown that there are many specific benefits of eating together as a family, including better academic performance, higher self-esteem, greater sense of resilience, and lower risk of depression. I know with busy schedules this can seem insurmountable to accomplish, but The Family Dinner Project associated with Mass General Hospital has a lot of information and tips. Check it out at thefamilydinnerproject.org.
- PROMOTE SELF-RELIANCE: Encourage your son to work through things on his own (with input from you as necessary) instead of jumping in and fixing the problem for him. For example, if he’s unclear about something with one of his classes, have him reach out to the teacher himself and try to resolve the issue. The more students are able to work through things on their own, the more they build the necessary life skills that help them become more resilient and gain self-confidence.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Often if a parent feels anxious, those feelings are projected onto their children. It’s important to find time for yourself and get any support you need when necessary. Remember, you set the example for your son!
Harking back to the “push through” guidance from above, one essential thing students should do to feel more connected when adjusting to a new school is to stay after dismissal and get involved…as scary as that may be. Most schools offer plentiful opportunities for students to join clubs, sports, music, theater, and service or outreach groups. The more social connections students make, the easier the day-to-day interactions at school become. Parents can help their son get involved at school by agreeing to pick him up later in the afternoon, and also by sitting down with him to review the offerings available, helping him pick at least one activity to try. If that’s not enough to get him started, don’t wait before reaching out to the school for help. Contact your son’s counselor and request their assistance. There are resources available at most schools if you are willing to ask the question.
A new year means new opportunities, and the quicker you become involved in the community, the sooner you will feel more comfortable at school. If you become anxious, try out these three simple coping strategies, and remember, your school year will be what you make of it, so make it awesome.
- Deep breathing. Try the “4 7 8 Breathing Method.” Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 7, and exhale through your mouth for a count of 8. Another trick for remembering how to calm yourself through breathing is to think “smell the flowers, then blow out the candles.”
- Distraction. You can distract yourself by doing an activity. This can be something relaxing, such as reading, painting, or drawing. It can also be something more active like baking, working on a puzzle, or going for a walk.
- Positive thinking. Remind yourself that you can do this! Use positive cognitive thoughts like, “This situation is really tough right now, but it’s temporary,” or “It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I can get through this.”
Xaverian Brothers High School
Xaverian is a Catholic, college-preparatory school for boys in grades 7-12. As an inclusive community, we embrace diverse experiences and perspectives, welcoming students and families from all faiths and backgrounds. Through exceptional academics, athletics, the arts, faith formation, and service opportunities, we help young men discover their unique gifts and talents so they can share them with a world in need.
